


I Heard Xellos Saying This Very, Very Late One Night, When We Were Both Very, Very Tired

by MotherInLore



Category: Slayers (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Addiction, Freeform, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 13:04:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13190679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MotherInLore/pseuds/MotherInLore
Summary: .... he's never mentioned it again, and I've been afraid to bring it up.





	I Heard Xellos Saying This Very, Very Late One Night, When We Were Both Very, Very Tired

Any Mazoku will tell you: we are not the only people whom happiness poisons. We are simply the only ones who recognize it. You think the gods care about happiness? Or the dragons? Hah. They cultivate serenity, and calm. And righteous wrath. We - all of us immortals - we watch you humans chasing love and joy the way you watch your drunkards, your junkies. There is a horrible fascination in it; I know you know this. Do you not see the same glamour in the ones who burn themselves out too fast, who spend themselves in a conflagration of selfishness? At least some of the time, if they go out with enough style, if they fall far enough? 

.... Here is something no Mazoku will admit to telling you: we know firsthand just how addictive that poison is. We're careful. We choose a master we can trust, who will dole out their own pleasure sparingly: never so much as to overwhelm, but often enough. Just often enough to stop the shaking. Not that we literally shake. And then we go to them, and we go to them, and we do what they tell us to, and sometimes, just often enough, they are pleased. The weaker ones of us, the less prudent ones, the ones with less reason to continue existing, they'll choose a human dealer. They'll swear a Pact. 

I would never do anything so foolish, or so I tell myself. I follow you. I do my job. I feed on the healthy, sustaining emotions and keep my distance when you indulge in a serious orgy; I'm hardheaded enough to take the simple, animal pleasures of a meal and a bath, or even sex if there's not too much love in it, if I have to do so in pursuance of my duty, but mostly I keep away from all that. When Lina came back from the heart of Chaos, I kept away from the center of the blast; stayed only long enough be sure what happened and report. My master was pleased. I stayed... only a little longer than I should have when Darkstar fell. Not enough to make a real difference when everyone was feeling so sad for Valgaav. I can tolerate a victory, if there's enough anger in it, if I don't do it too often. Lord Beastmaster has started to order me to attend to those situations in which I am likely to need to work with triumphant, _grateful_ humans. The Zanafar. Taforashia. The work needed doing... I wonder how far gone I am. I wonder what more I'll need to do to stop the shaking.


End file.
